So what is the cost of following The Creator of the Universe and getting well? I guess it depends on what you consider worthwhile on this planet in even considering the cost.
I have written a lot in the last few months about my life ( at my blogsite.. http://multijudysworld.blogspot.com , my struggles and my walk with God. I have tried to be as honest as I could about my life, about who I am and why I believe the way I do.
Not everyone has agreed with me and that is OK. This was not a debate as I said from the beginning; this was my opinions, memories, beliefs and journey. The main reason I started writting was to maybe give others some hope, encouragement and let them know they were not alone and to sort out some of my own thoughts as well. This is an ongoing walk and ongoing life and ongoing healing.
So back to what is the cost of all of this? Well in all honesty I have lost the bulk of my children and access to their children. . The main reason I feel compelled to write about any of this today is because I do not want to give anyone the false illusions that I am some kind of saint who has it all together and can impart loads of advice and wisdom on anyone. I also want you all to understand there is a cost anytime you choose change, be it is following your beliefs, standing up for your beliefs, and yes getting well and becoming a whole person.
I say that is the respect of anyone who has been in the darkness of any kind of pain, such as mental, physical, spiritual, emotional whatever. We are all trying to overcome something so that is not the point, the point is that when you start to see the healing in your life take form and you start to become whole and formulate your thoughts clearly and have a purpose. Sometimes that can intimidate the people in your life more then the dysfunctions they have gotten used to. Does that make sense to anyone out there?
I never thought in a million years that the cost of becoming well and whole would be so great. But then when I look back at who I was the cost just seems very little in comparison. I do not want to go back to being that Judy who was a mental and spiritual mess, on psyche drugs in and out of hospitals, not remembering things from day to day, hour to hour etc. Always living in fear and confusion and wondering if pain was the only emotion there was on this planet.
If my family is more comfortable with the old Judy then maybe, just maybe some of the problems were not all with me, but maybe with them as well. Wow what a concept that is. I was under the false assumption that if I got well then everyone would be happy, as I thought that was their goal also for me and for us as a family. I really believed that my illness was the sum total of my families problems and if I got well then my family would be well and whole also. Guess what? I sure got that one wrong.
The thing is my family does not want to know who I am, see who I have become and be a part of what my life is becoming. I think they kind of liked using me as an excuse to not have to change them selves or take responsibility for having to or needing to change.
So part of the cost is not being accepted for who you will become when you heal and question all you have been taught in the past. You will no longer be a scapegoat and that might make people mad. But you know what? I have felt a lot of freedom in knowing I am not a scapegoat anymore and knowing I was not the sum total of all the problems for everyone else. I have taken responsibility for my part and they can have the responsibility for theirs….period. What a wonderful freedom that is!
Since I do not know many survivors who have come this far on this journey I really did not expect this part of the deal. At first I was perplexed and then I was mad and then depressed as I have struggled with all of the feelings of isolation and exclusion from the people I love. I admit it is an up and down thing as I make my way through this new untried territory. But as I keep plowing on I just can not think to turn back to where I have come so far from.
I am counting the cost and if I lose everyone I love on this journey because they can or will not except the healed and better me, the Judy with a purpose and the Judy who had fought so hard to be well…. Then that has to be so. I am not going back to where I was before and by the grace of God I will continue to plow on to new and better purposes.I have heard that love does not make you choose… tell that too my family.
That is just the way it has to be…. I can not turn back…
Welcome To MultiJudy's World
MultiJudy's World, A Work in Progress
Hello,
My name is Judy and I am a Satanic Ritual, Monarch/MK/Ultra Survivor. I can call myself a survivor because I am no longer a victim. This site is for all of you out there who have either been through abuse of your own or people who what to be informed of the truth. This site is also about hope and that hope is in and through my faith in The Creator of the Universe and my Savior Jesus Christ. If not for Him I would not be here to tell you my story and give you the hope you need and the answer for becoming a survivor instead of a victim.
I am NOT about the Christian religion as I do NOT belong to any church or am affiliated with any church or religion. I am talking about a relationship to and with the Creator of the universe through His son Jesus Christ.... the real Jesus Christ, NOT the one you will find sitting on a church pew.
I pray this site will be informative as well as encouraging. I pray that the ones who really want answers will find the only true answer I know... the only one that I have ever found that works.
Blessings to all the truth seekers....
Judy Rutledge
I am a recovering Christian....
Contact Info
Judy Rutledge
P.O. Box 2051
Mena, AR. 71953
multijl@gmail.com
SMILE ! you only live through THIS life once... leave something positive behind.
Smiles and Hugs all around please.....
Religion is for people who are afraid of hell...spirituality is for those who have been there.
Its not over until HE says it over....
